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“It’s an awful shock. James Gandolfini was a fine actor, a Rutgers alum and a true Jersey guy. I was a huge fan of his and the character he played so authentically, Tony Soprano. I have gotten to know Jimmy and many of the other actors in the Sopranos cast and I can say that each of them are an individual New Jersey treasure. Mary Pat and I express our deepest sympathies to Mr. Gandolfini’s wife and children, and our prayers are with them at this terrible time.”
My homeland is in mourning.
After tossing and turning all night in humiliation and despair, I woke up and immediately started Googling for color correction in NJ. Someone on Yelp said they went here for a color correction and they did a great job, but (like many salons), they were closed on Mondays.
I called them anyway on the off chance that their hours had changed and someone answered. The guy who answered (Peter - the owner?) said that they were closed but asked what was going on, and when I told him the story, he told me they were having a color class that day while the salon was closed, and he would get one of the stylists to step out of the class and take care of me.
I went down there right away, and my color was corrected by REGINA, who was amazingly wonderful and understanding. The place itself was really nice and she did a phenomenal job, and I am still blown away that even let me in the door, let alone managed to fix my totally destroyed hair. My only complaint is that their sinks were really uncomfortable - that’s it. I cannot imagine having a better outcome and I feel incredibly lucky. I am even going to go back after I move to Queens, even though this place is all the way down in Bon Jovi country, down the road from The Breakfast Club.
If anyone ever plans to go to her, let me know - she gave me three cards for 10% off to give to friends, and if all three come back, she’ll give me 20% off. I will mail one to you if you plan to see her. (Hey - maybe 20% will cover the tolls from Astoria.)
The salon that bleached my hair to high holy hell TWICE and left it yellow and fried is SALON BANGLES in Springfield, NJ, in the same shopping plaza as Stew Leonard’s (which is as fine a wine store as can be and the staff is super knowledgeable and you should shop there).
The first stylist who botched it to begin with was NICOLE, who clearly wasn’t paying attention to me, and when I was unhappy at the color, she told me it was the lights and I should go home and check it out. (To be fair, the reason I went to her was because she gave me a great haircut back in April.)
The stylists who tried to fix it the second day were CHRISSY and COURTNEY. Chrissy was super sweet and patient and really tried to fix it, but in the end made it way worse. Courtney was the one giving her advice on what to do - she has very short platinum blond hair and I guess functions as their blond expert. They both agreed that Nicole fucked it up, but they made it worse when they tried to fix it.
It LOOKS so close to the city, and it LOOKS like there’s public transportation, but HopStop says it would take me AN HOUR AND A HALF to get to work in midtown from there. Same goes for Union City, West New York, Cliffside Park, and all of those towns along the Hudson. Unless you’re at Journal Square or within a short walk of the Hoboken PATH station, that whole area is a transit nightmare. Step it up, Jersey. The HBLR isn’t doing anyone any favors.
Last night at the fake U2 show, about four songs in, fake Adam Clayton started in with that ba-dum-ba-dum-ba-dum and I was like…. nooo…. it can’t be. Fake U2 has not broken character ONCE. Not even when my friend’s sister ran into fake Bono in the bathroom. But then fake Bono started in with TOMMY USED TO WORK ON THE DOCKS and I was like NOOOOOOO LIVIN ON A PRAYER?!? IT CAN’T BE. But then I remembered that you are literally not allowed to go out anywhere in Jersey without someone putting on Livin on a Prayer. But then I remembered we’re not in Jersey. We’re in Manhattan. So what gives? But everyone was singing along and it was great like always and then we get to the end and fake Bono says, “I’m allowed to do that. I’m from Jersey. I have a pass.” And everyone started cheering and yelling “JERSEY BONO!” at him the rest of the night.
The lesson of this story is that even if you’re Bono, you’re still Jersey.
AND AND the fact that he’s hanging out in SEASIDE HEIGHTS of all places! SEASIDE! SEASIDE IS FOR DIRTBAGS AND POST-PROM VIRGINITY TAKINGS! THAT’S WHY JERSEY SHORE IS SET THERE!
You’d think the GOVERNOR OF THE STATE would have enough class to at least go to Long Branch or LBI or something, but nope, he’s hanging in SEASIDE. WITH SNOOKI.
Chris Christie got into a shouting match with a guy on the boardwalk yesterday. The guy said something to him about his (unpopular with NJ residents and teachers, popular with out-of-state Republicans) education policy. Christie turned on him, saying, “You’re a real big shot … you’re a real big shot shootin’ your mouth off.” The guy shouted back, “Just take care of the teachers!” Christie started towards him saying, “Keep walking! Keep walking!” and his handlers had to grab him and drag him in the other direction.
AKA “Fun with the Big Book of NJ Causes of Action”
- Butter or Cheese Sold From Illegal Tub
- Being a “Delinquent Ferryman”
- Discriminating against an employee showing an American flag
- Telling a guy that you’re selling him an apple or peach tree when it isn’t an apple or peach tree
- Spectator being injured by a flying ball or hockey puck
Dibs on The Delinquent Ferrymen as a band name.
You guys, I still can’t believe Christie vetoed the gay marriage bill. It is embarrassing.
What fucking enrages me is that this has nothing to do with New Jersey and what the reality is here. This is all about the sile most important thing in Chris Christie’s world: Chris Christie. He vetoed it, not because Jersey isn’t ready or there isn’t support among the people who live here for equality, but because HIS ambitions mean he can’t do anything else. He’s selfish. He’s mean-spirited. He’s a bully. This man should never have been let near power. Look, I know the stereotype is that Jersey is full of assholes…but that’s not actually true. There’s a loudness to our character, and it’s got some rough edges…and profanity, of course…but this bullying sociopathy ISN’T US. When two people from Jersey run into each other somewhere that isn’t Jersey, we are immediately a team. Doesn’t matter that we’re from opposite ends of the state and normally wouldn’t have anything in common. We are a team. We have one thing we like about each other. And with people who aren’t from Jersey? We can laugh and have fun with the inevitable jokes. We don’t viciously rip out the throat of the ribbing party. This is a state that likes a good laugh and doesn’t want to see any long term damage. We want everyone to be on the team. We’re really nice when you get to know us. PLEASE don’t think Christie is who we are.
Then fucking fuck Christie fucks shit up.
Guys, I really hate him. I hate him so much. I no longer want to live in Hoboken or Jersey City or anywhere like that. Because that fucker is still around. I might as well leave the state. CUZ I HATE HIMS I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HATE HIMMMMM
In the words of Cory Booker, “We ride hard, we ride strong, and we ride together.” This was a bill that passed and had a huge amount of support in our state. Christie made it a fight where there wasn’t one. Fuck you, Christie. Fuck you so hard.
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