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26

Jan

This is like the Magneto version of getting high and then turning to your friend and going, “Oh my god your sweater is so soft!” and then rubbing it all over your face.

This is like the Magneto version of getting high and then turning to your friend and going, “Oh my god your sweater is so soft!” and then rubbing it all over your face.

(Source: tinyhipsterboy)

24

Jan

professorofeljay:

gokuma:

eriklehnsherrwasright:

You gotta admit, the guy has style

Imagine a story where Magneto keeps communicating with Xavier like this…  New Yorkers wake up and see huge “HELLO CHARLES” up in the air, or “YOU’RE BEING RIDICULOUS, XAVIER”, “NICE TRY”; “WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN…”

“THANK YOU CHARLES”
“LAST NIGHT WAS PERFECTION”

professorofeljay:

gokuma:

eriklehnsherrwasright:

You gotta admit, the guy has style

Imagine a story where Magneto keeps communicating with Xavier like this…  New Yorkers wake up and see huge “HELLO CHARLES” up in the air, or “YOU’RE BEING RIDICULOUS, XAVIER”, “NICE TRY”; “WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN…”

“THANK YOU CHARLES”

“LAST NIGHT WAS PERFECTION”

(Source: freakingquicksilver)

20

Jan

magnetox:


I only brought a few items with me when I moved into Charles Xavier’s mansion: my brown calf-skin bomber jacket, a collection of Italian cashmere polo shirts (in all the shades of the moon), a stuffed parrot named Simon, a coin that I wanted to murder someone with, a boar bristle hair brush for my hair, three cravats, seven ties, 43 scarves and 121 turtlenecks. I also brought a pair of pants, my righteous fury and a large package.

— p. 68, Volume 3, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

magnetox:

I only brought a few items with me when I moved into Charles Xavier’s mansion: my brown calf-skin bomber jacket, a collection of Italian cashmere polo shirts (in all the shades of the moon), a stuffed parrot named Simon, a coin that I wanted to murder someone with, a boar bristle hair brush for my hair, three cravats, seven ties, 43 scarves and 121 turtlenecks. I also brought a pair of pants, my righteous fury and a large package.

p. 68, Volume 3, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

(Source: bitcheslovemichaelfassbender)

magnetox:

Today, my body is a bastion of steely sinews and muscles shaped by time. Then, I was as limber as an acrobat and as magnificent as a bull. A sculptor once paid me to pose as Adonis. The finished product was the most beautiful sculpture ever made, but I destroyed it because it wasn’t an accurate representation of how good I looked. I kept my body in shape by swimming, drinking mint tea and running half-marathons—but running them only by doing cartwheels. I was usually disqualified, but if I hadn’t been, I would have been an elite half-marathon cartwheeler. 

My first costume was entirely wetsuit even though I did most my murdering on land. The one drawback of wearing a wetsuit is that my body distracted both my enemies and my allies. That is why, dear readers, I wear a cape now. Otherwise, my figure would steal the hearts of the world. You can’t fight for mutant rights and fend off the sexual advances of every man, woman and canine at the same time.

p. 246, Vol. 2, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

magnetox:


Something you might not know about me is that I once self-published a collection of poetry. If I wasn’t an important political leader and master of magnetism, I probably would have been a great writer. Like Tom Stoppard, I have a foreign genius’s expert understanding of where the English language fails. Poetry, as we all know, is for people who feel as though they are the most important people alive. I am not like that. I know I am the most important person alive. I still like to dress sometimes like a depressed writer in my spare time, though. Black turtlenecks give one an air of sophistication. They make people around you think you’re about to say something deep or that you’re about to commit suicide. Also, they don’t wrinkle so they travel well. It’s important to consider that when you travel around the world seeking vengeance.

—p. 27, Volume 3, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

magnetox:

Something you might not know about me is that I once self-published a collection of poetry. If I wasn’t an important political leader and master of magnetism, I probably would have been a great writer. Like Tom Stoppard, I have a foreign genius’s expert understanding of where the English language fails. Poetry, as we all know, is for people who feel as though they are the most important people alive. I am not like that. I know I am the most important person alive. I still like to dress sometimes like a depressed writer in my spare time, though. Black turtlenecks give one an air of sophistication. They make people around you think you’re about to say something deep or that you’re about to commit suicide. Also, they don’t wrinkle so they travel well. It’s important to consider that when you travel around the world seeking vengeance.

p. 27, Volume 3, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

(Source: eroticbingobloodbath)

magnetox:

 I have a holiday tradition. I lock myself in a panic room and dance to all of the Bee Gees’s collective hits. My cape billows behind me in joy. I groove with the beat. I perspire elation. No one sees me but the gods. My happiness is my loneliness. My holiday is a groove armada of one.

—p. 294, Volume 7, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

magnetox:

I have a holiday tradition. I lock myself in a panic room and dance to all of the Bee Gees’s collective hits. My cape billows behind me in joy. I groove with the beat. I perspire elation. No one sees me but the gods. My happiness is my loneliness. My holiday is a groove armada of one.

p. 294, Volume 7, The Autobiography of Magneto X, by Erik Lensherr

(Source: banal-echo-gee)

23

Dec

groovyphilia:


-ml submitted: 
I did nothing

Of course you didn’t this is obviously the original text

groovyphilia:

-ml submitted: 

I did nothing

Of course you didn’t this is obviously the original text

(Source: groovyphilia)

02

Dec

Geez, Magneto. You sure know how to show a girl a good time. Who needs flowers when you have gruesome Holocaust stories to tell?

(Source: stjernfelt)

11

Nov

Secret Service codenames

downlo:

According to that Secret Service codename generator, I’d be ‘Margarita’. Not bad.

The presidential and VP candidate have the option of choosing their own codenames. Family members get codenames that start with the same letter as the candidate’s. Here are a bunch of them—I bolded the funniest ones (or the ones most likely to inspire puerile jokes):

  • Barack Obama: Renegade
  • Michelle Obama: Renaissance
  • Malia Obama: Radiance
  • Sasha Obama: Rosebud
  • Joe Biden: Celtic
  • Jill Biden: Capri
  • Rahm Emanuel: Black Hawk
  • Josh Bolten: Fat Boy (after a motorcycle)
  • Mitt Romney: Javelin
  • Paul Ryan: Bowhunter
  • Janna Ryan: Buttercup (apparently Paul’s nickname for her. Gross)
  • Rick Santorum: Petrus (after his grandfather, Pietro)
  • Bill Clinton: Eagle
  • Hillary Clinton: Evergreen
  • Chelsea Clinton: Energy
  • Al Gore: Sawhorse (VP)/Sundance (pres. candidate)
  • Tipper Gore: Skylark
  • George W. Bush: Trailblazer/Tumblr when his dad was president
  • Laura Bush: Tempo
  • Barbara Bush: Turquoise
  • Jenna Bush: Twinkle
  • George H. W. Bush: Timberwolf
  • Barbara Bush: Tranquility
  • Dick Cheney: Angler
  • Lynne Cheney: Author
  • John McCain: Phoenix (he let the Secret Service give him this nickname)
  • Meghan McCain: Peter Sellers
  • Bridget McCain: Pebbles
  • John Sidney McCain IV: Popeye
  • John Kerry: Minuteman (unfortunate)
  • Teresa Heinz Kerry: Mahogany (least apt name ever?)
  • Sarah Palin: Denali
  • Todd Palin: Driller
  • Cindy McCain: Parasol
  • Karenna Gore: Smurfette (she picked it herself when she was 19 and soon regretted it)
  • John F. Kennedy: Lancer (not subtle)
  • Jackie Kennedy: Lace
  • Caroline Kennedy: Lyric
  • John F. Kennedy Jr: Lark
  • Ted Kennedy: Sunburn
  • Rose Kennedy: Coppertone (I see what they did there)
  • Richard Nixon: Searchlight
  • Pat Nixon: Starlight
  • Jimmy Carter: Deacon
  • Rosalynn Carter: Dancer
  • Ronald Reagan: Rawhide
  • Nancy Reagan: Rainbow
  • Gerald Ford: Passkey
  • Betty Ford: Pinafore
  • Lyndon Johnson: Volunteer
  • Lady Bird Johnson: Victoria
  • Lynda Bird Johnson: Velvet
  • Luci Baines Johnson: Venus
  • Dwight Eisenhower: Providence
  • Harry Truman: General

I’m sorry to have to get all X-Men about this, but

  • Rick Santorum: Petrus (after his grandfather, Pietro)

Remember when Rick Santorum was still running and ha ha ha doesn’t this look like Magneto is yelling at Santorum

And now we learn that Santorum’s code name was from his GRANDFATHER PIETRO?

HAS MAGNETO BEEN BETRAYED BY HIS GREAT-GRANDSON?????

IS SANTORUM AN X-MEN VILLAIN?

WAS HE GOING TO RUN ON AN ANTI-MUTANT PLATFORM?

WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAANNNNNN????

29

Sep

I was just watching an old clip of Jon Stewart on The O’Reilly Factor and they were debating about Khalid Sheik Mohammed being tried in a civilian court vs. a military tribunal and Jon Stewart said “I’m not afraid of these idiots! They’re not X-Men! That’s not Magneto!”

It’s about 37 minutes in.

22

Sep

donnapirana replied to your photo: I almost forgot that Kevin Bacon was in this goofy…

It’s like they cast him based on “who would look stupid as shit in Magneto’s helmet?”

Answer: Everyone. Including Magneto.

18

Jul

12

Jul

ushas42:

An image that might come in handy.

Right-click save as…

ushas42:

An image that might come in handy.

Right-click save as…

(Source: adventurecomics)