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There’s this girl at work who started a month or two ago and she’s so cute and she’s so stupid and her voice is really annoying but she’s really sweet but she’s so dumb and I just want to squeeze her face. I wish you could hear my voice when I imitate her saying, “I’M NOT A CRAZY GERM PERSON BUT I HAVE PURELL IN MY PURSE BECAUSE ATLANTIC CITY IS GROSS.” Me: “Oh, you were in Atlantic City?” “YEAH I LIKE TO GO THERE FOR SHOWS LIIIIIIIIKE I SAW JAY LENO AND THEN I SAW CRAIG FERGUSON.” Me: “Oh, I love Craig Ferguson! I saw him at Carnegie Hall.” “YEAHHHHHH I DIDN’T REALLY LIKE CRAIG FERGUSON BUT I SAW BOB SAGET IN AC AND HE WAS SOOOOOOO FUNNY BUT HE WAS REALLY DIRTY LIIIIIIKE HE SAID… I CAN’T EVEN SAY IT! GIGGLE GIGGLE” Or, like, remember when those ugly new Disney rooms came out? “OH MY GOD I THINK THEY’RE SO CUTE LIKE. I THINK THEY’RE ADORABLE.”
Urrrggghhhhhhhh you are so stupid girl. She’s been here almost two months and she still keeps telling people she’s in training. She’s not. She just doesn’t understand anything. And she loves Disney. Yesterday she was marching around the office dragging a little Minnie Mouse suitcase behind her saying, “OH MY GOD LOOK RODMANSTREET I’M GOING TO DISNEY WORLD!” And Crazy Coworker made her a mix cd of Disney songs that was basically a mix cd of Disney’s hold music. “OH MY GOD LOOK RODMANSTREET LOOK WHAT SHE MADE ME I LOVE DISNEY LOOK IT’S SO CUTE IT’S A SMALL WORLD I LOVE THAT SONG!”
Would you believe she’s the same age as me? I WANT TO SQUEEZE HER FACE OFF AND I’M NOT SURE IF I MEAN THAT IN A GOOD WAY OR NOT.